I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
