found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
should my penis look like a turkey
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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