their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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