so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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