she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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