Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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