I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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