If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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