I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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