Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
