it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
