boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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