i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize