I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
