I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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