The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
