You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't notice because vodka
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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