what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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