Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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