I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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