I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
