she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your cock deserves a montage
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize