Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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