I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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