Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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