What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize