it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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