Just mADE A PArabola og urine
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
