Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
