Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
