Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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