The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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