That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize