I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
