Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
