I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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