Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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