I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
