I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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