Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
