we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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