I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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