Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize