he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
