We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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