The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
