well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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