We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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