I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
