Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
