if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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