I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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