I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
