you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
