she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize