I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
