Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
