I heard we made out
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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