Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
