Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
