i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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