oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
