I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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